Hi you all , the lovely-people-behind-screens-who-i’ve-never-seen-in-real-life!
(Don’t freak out its perfectly okay)
So, I know I usually do poems about all the feels but I NEED TO LET THIS OUT AND YOU GUYS NEED TO LISTEN! thanks
So, I don’t know what I am, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, I don’t know where I’m going. I just pray it’s to good place and I just try to be happy.
Yes, I do things I am not proud of. I should not be doing these things. I still do them. It makes me happy.
The thing is, I think, the everyday workings of life do not excite me that much. And this scares the bejezus (please let’s pretend this is a word) out of me. Don’t get me wrong. I love doing everything- I love going grocery shopping alone, I love making plans with friends, I love studying, I love everything.
But, this love is not enough. I feel hollow. I crave for something more. Something exciting. Something natural, something that just comes to me. With no effort. I don’t know what that is and if I will ever find it.
I think I am terrified subconsciously that everyone will hate me and leave me alone (I don’t know if this is true though, I am just interpreting the dreams I got today). SO, I try to be this fun and awesome person I am now. It’s just, I am not always this person. Maybe, I am never this person. Maybe, I am always this person. I don’t even know anymore.
What am I talking about here?
It all feels like pretence. Like I am floating in a bubble and there is no end. Is there one?