The Paradox of Existence

I am a living, breathing paradox.

I feel sick right now, I told everyone, but I do not want anyone around me. Or do I?

I want to relax but I just cannot.

I have to always do something.

My mind cannot just catch a break.

It feels dizzy, overworked, stuffed with too many things.

I am a highly indecisive person. I question all my decisions, whether small or big. ‘Do you really want this, (Inserting my name here)?’

Oh yeah, I now remember why I started writing this in the first place.

I am a weird person. I appear to be a funny, fun-loving, highly dramatic, jumpy person.

And, don’t get me wrong, I am that person.

But, I am also another person.

I am a self-anxiety inducing, overworked, scared, tiny and little girl, who has thoughts she cannot control and does things in her head.

(The key word is head)

For example, I am writing this and I am already thinking if I want to publish  this. A part of my brain is going ‘(Insert my name here), Don’t be pretentious and try to act fancy. No one cares, you don’t care, this is shit’

But, I know I want to post this. I know I care.

I am tired now of this continuous cross-talk.

This is my paradox.

 

 

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