I am a living, breathing paradox.
I feel sick right now, I told everyone, but I do not want anyone around me. Or do I?
I want to relax but I just cannot.
I have to always do something.
My mind cannot just catch a break.
It feels dizzy, overworked, stuffed with too many things.
I am a highly indecisive person. I question all my decisions, whether small or big. ‘Do you really want this, (Inserting my name here)?’
Oh yeah, I now remember why I started writing this in the first place.
I am a weird person. I appear to be a funny, fun-loving, highly dramatic, jumpy person.
And, don’t get me wrong, I am that person.
But, I am also another person.
I am a self-anxiety inducing, overworked, scared, tiny and little girl, who has thoughts she cannot control and does things in her head.
(The key word is head)
For example, I am writing this and I am already thinking if I want to publish this. A part of my brain is going ‘(Insert my name here), Don’t be pretentious and try to act fancy. No one cares, you don’t care, this is shit’
But, I know I want to post this. I know I care.
I am tired now of this continuous cross-talk.
This is my paradox.